This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
