worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
