Betty ford says i'm here all night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
