do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
