I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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