it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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