Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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