Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
