Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will be naked everywhere
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
