Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
