Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
