im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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