your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
