That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
