all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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