Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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