You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As shirtless as possible
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
