You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
