I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i dont even know how to be here
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am one with the molecules
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
