dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
