Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
