I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
