How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
