Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
