Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When are your genitals available?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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