my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
