help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
