My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
