I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
