guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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