It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
