Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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