I wish I could teleport
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
