bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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