You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
