This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My vagina is officially offended.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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