Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
