There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
