I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
