remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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