This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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