dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
