The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
