I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
