I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
