omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I fill condoms, not promises.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...