last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hippo gnu deer
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.