I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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