i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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