i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
