Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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