At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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