It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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