so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
