Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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