just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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