Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Apparently you make a good broom.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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