he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
