I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
