I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
