just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A+ Viking dick
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
