How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
