Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
