my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
