We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
