is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
