She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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