it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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